About a year and a half ago, we had a Young Women's/Young Men's meeting about the new Church's website, taught by the missionaries in our ward, and at the end of the meeting, the missionaries challenged each of us to create a Mormon.org profile. It was an exciting and encouraging meeting, and as a leader of the 14 and 15-year-old girls, I felt like I should be a good example to them, so I sat down that week and logged in to the website and started the process of creating my profile.
Big mistake.
One of the first things they asked for was a short descriptive sentence about myself--examples included "I'm a mom, a marathon runner, and a gourmet cook. I'm a Mormon." and "I'm a dad, a volunteer at our local pet shelter, and a secret superhero. I'm a Mormon." (Exaggerate? Me? Naw....).
I'm not exactly great at making things succinct anyways (hello--look at this blog--obviously, I'm a rambler who enjoys parenthetical tangents far too much), so finding a way to describe myself honestly in 3 or 4 terms was rough.
"Okay...I'm a wife, and a mom, and...and...."
Try as I might, I seriously couldn't think of any other way to describe myself, besides in terms of who I used to be. Isn't that kind of pathetic?
I used to run....but hadn't really run much since becoming pregnant with Jack (three years ago, mind you).
I used to play the piano....but aside from teaching and playing hymns occasionally, I really didn't take the time to practice anymore.
I used to read....but other than "Go Dog, Go," and my friend's facebook statuses, hadn't read anything good for a few months.
And on and on it went--for every hobby that I had formerly used to describe myself, I couldn't any longer describe myself as that same person (well, honestly, anyways).
All of these interests were things that, for one excuse or another, I had at one time enjoyed, but no longer did.
I ended up not finishing my profile, because I was actually really bothered by the fact that I couldn't think of any way to describe myself other than as a wife and a mother. Although my total time at the computer was probably finished in less than half an hour, the thoughts that the descriptive process had put in my head refused to be silenced for weeks afterwards.
Had I completely lost my personality? My drive? My ability to achieve anything other than making and taking care of babies (which, admittedly, I was proving to be pretty good at, but still)? Had I given up who I was in order to turn into a wife and mother...and that's it?
Now, don't get me wrong. I loved being a stay-at-home mom, and I was (and still am) incredibly grateful--not only that I am able to have children, but also that my husband's job allowed me to have the opportunity to stay at home and raise my children. At the same time, I refused to believe that my Heavenly Father would give me all of these interests and talents and then ask me to forget about them all once I had a baby. My inability to fill out that profile forced me to realize that I had been burying my talents--not intentionally, of course--but perhaps I had been subconsciously using my children as an excuse to no longer keep up with the skills I had developed before becoming a mother (and let's face it--kids can be a good excuse for getting out of just about anything).
At the time, I was morning sick and emotional and so this realization seemed like the end of the world. Now that I'm no longer exhausted and hormonal (okay, less exhausted and hormonal, anyways), I can look back and list the accomplishments I've had since being married to Steve. I won't, because it feels a little too much like bragging, but suffice it to say, they are numerable and varied, from learning how to bake awesome bread to making costumes for local plays. Some of them are skills I have developed through being a wife and mother, and others have nothing whatsoever to do with those two all-important roles.
That's not the point, however. The point (which I will eventually get to, despite the rambling, roundabout way of getting there) is this: I've learned that I enjoy having goals. I feel most confident, happy, and productive when I know that I'm working towards an eventual, attainable, measurable goal. Feeling that way helps me to be a better wife, and mother, which in turn helps me feel confident, happy, and productive. And so it goes.
If I were to go back and finish my profile today (which reminds me, I probably should do that...you know, now that I've had a year and a half to think about it), I would have a few other accomplishments and goals to add.
I enjoy reading, and I've got a list of classics that I'm working my way through at a pace that works for me.
I've started running again, and in fact, I have a goal to run a marathon this fall--I start seriously training once Maggie's weaned in May (Terrified? Why, yes. Yes, I am.).
I taught myself to sew, and made a couple of cute aprons to give as gifts last Christmas.
I sing, and (this is new to me) act--I got to be the lead for our community's production of Little Shop of Horrors last year, just three months after Maggie was born (which is another story--remind me to tell you about that experience later).
I now make time to just play the piano for the fun of it--nothing intense or too difficult, but I'm keeping my skills at a decent level, for now.
I have a few other goals for now, and several more for the future, but this gives an idea of some of the things I've used to help myself re-define who I am. It doesn't change my testimony of the divinity of motherhood or the importance of what I'm actually doing as I'm changing diapers, feeding babies, and washing faces, but it does help me to find more joy and contentment in my calling, because I'm not resenting my children or my husband for keeping me from doing the things I think I "really" want to do.
I also know that the point of life I'm at right now doesn't allow me to reasonably do a lot of the activities that I used to participate in, and I'm okay with that, because I know that eventually, I will. For the moment, these interests help me to find my personal fulfillment while chasing toddlers and burping babies. Later on, I'll have the time (and energy) to add more to my "visible accomplishments" list. But for now, I'm happy where I am.
I saw a sign at a boutique a while ago, and it sums up what this post is all about.
"Do what you can, when you can, where you are."
Working on it.
Big mistake.
One of the first things they asked for was a short descriptive sentence about myself--examples included "I'm a mom, a marathon runner, and a gourmet cook. I'm a Mormon." and "I'm a dad, a volunteer at our local pet shelter, and a secret superhero. I'm a Mormon." (Exaggerate? Me? Naw....).
I'm not exactly great at making things succinct anyways (hello--look at this blog--obviously, I'm a rambler who enjoys parenthetical tangents far too much), so finding a way to describe myself honestly in 3 or 4 terms was rough.
"Okay...I'm a wife, and a mom, and...and...."
Try as I might, I seriously couldn't think of any other way to describe myself, besides in terms of who I used to be. Isn't that kind of pathetic?
I used to run....but hadn't really run much since becoming pregnant with Jack (three years ago, mind you).
I used to play the piano....but aside from teaching and playing hymns occasionally, I really didn't take the time to practice anymore.
I used to read....but other than "Go Dog, Go," and my friend's facebook statuses, hadn't read anything good for a few months.
And on and on it went--for every hobby that I had formerly used to describe myself, I couldn't any longer describe myself as that same person (well, honestly, anyways).
All of these interests were things that, for one excuse or another, I had at one time enjoyed, but no longer did.
I ended up not finishing my profile, because I was actually really bothered by the fact that I couldn't think of any way to describe myself other than as a wife and a mother. Although my total time at the computer was probably finished in less than half an hour, the thoughts that the descriptive process had put in my head refused to be silenced for weeks afterwards.
Had I completely lost my personality? My drive? My ability to achieve anything other than making and taking care of babies (which, admittedly, I was proving to be pretty good at, but still)? Had I given up who I was in order to turn into a wife and mother...and that's it?
Now, don't get me wrong. I loved being a stay-at-home mom, and I was (and still am) incredibly grateful--not only that I am able to have children, but also that my husband's job allowed me to have the opportunity to stay at home and raise my children. At the same time, I refused to believe that my Heavenly Father would give me all of these interests and talents and then ask me to forget about them all once I had a baby. My inability to fill out that profile forced me to realize that I had been burying my talents--not intentionally, of course--but perhaps I had been subconsciously using my children as an excuse to no longer keep up with the skills I had developed before becoming a mother (and let's face it--kids can be a good excuse for getting out of just about anything).
At the time, I was morning sick and emotional and so this realization seemed like the end of the world. Now that I'm no longer exhausted and hormonal (okay, less exhausted and hormonal, anyways), I can look back and list the accomplishments I've had since being married to Steve. I won't, because it feels a little too much like bragging, but suffice it to say, they are numerable and varied, from learning how to bake awesome bread to making costumes for local plays. Some of them are skills I have developed through being a wife and mother, and others have nothing whatsoever to do with those two all-important roles.
That's not the point, however. The point (which I will eventually get to, despite the rambling, roundabout way of getting there) is this: I've learned that I enjoy having goals. I feel most confident, happy, and productive when I know that I'm working towards an eventual, attainable, measurable goal. Feeling that way helps me to be a better wife, and mother, which in turn helps me feel confident, happy, and productive. And so it goes.
If I were to go back and finish my profile today (which reminds me, I probably should do that...you know, now that I've had a year and a half to think about it), I would have a few other accomplishments and goals to add.
I enjoy reading, and I've got a list of classics that I'm working my way through at a pace that works for me.
I've started running again, and in fact, I have a goal to run a marathon this fall--I start seriously training once Maggie's weaned in May (Terrified? Why, yes. Yes, I am.).
I taught myself to sew, and made a couple of cute aprons to give as gifts last Christmas.
I sing, and (this is new to me) act--I got to be the lead for our community's production of Little Shop of Horrors last year, just three months after Maggie was born (which is another story--remind me to tell you about that experience later).
I now make time to just play the piano for the fun of it--nothing intense or too difficult, but I'm keeping my skills at a decent level, for now.
I have a few other goals for now, and several more for the future, but this gives an idea of some of the things I've used to help myself re-define who I am. It doesn't change my testimony of the divinity of motherhood or the importance of what I'm actually doing as I'm changing diapers, feeding babies, and washing faces, but it does help me to find more joy and contentment in my calling, because I'm not resenting my children or my husband for keeping me from doing the things I think I "really" want to do.
I also know that the point of life I'm at right now doesn't allow me to reasonably do a lot of the activities that I used to participate in, and I'm okay with that, because I know that eventually, I will. For the moment, these interests help me to find my personal fulfillment while chasing toddlers and burping babies. Later on, I'll have the time (and energy) to add more to my "visible accomplishments" list. But for now, I'm happy where I am.
I saw a sign at a boutique a while ago, and it sums up what this post is all about.
"Do what you can, when you can, where you are."
Working on it.
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