Being a Momma

Why is this such a crazy emotional experience? Literally, one moment, I'll be trying to get something done, frustrated because Jack is fussing and crying and wanting me to carry him around as I try to (fill in the blank here)...but carrying him, even in my sling, is rather difficult, not only because he's 20 pounds already (not exaggerating--he's already wearing 12-month clothing), but also because he is so. darn. squirmy.

So then I'll finally turn towards him, exasperated, and he'll give me this face:
And then I feel bad because I'm not taking advantage of every precious moment that I've been given to have my little boy with me, just me and him.

I know this time goes by quickly, and I know that I should appreciate it. But somehow, I find myself more often than not only watching that time slip by, but hoping it will go even faster so that Steve can come home sooner and give me at least a little bit of decent conversation and maybe even a break so I can get something done.

It's a Jack-in-the-box!! Get it?

But then I stop and look at old pictures of my baby, and look at how much he's grown and changed and developed already, and my heart literally hurts at how fast this time really is going. Then I'll hold him and snuggle him (as much as he allows me--he's not much of a snuggler, really) and kiss him and tell him how much I love him and hope that that makes up for my previous bad mothering.

Now, the question is, how do I keep this perspective all the time?

*P.S. Sorry about the blurriness of all of my pictures lately--I can't find my camera (once again, thanks to the move) so I'm just using the one on my phone. Not the best quality.